v YORK 27/10/07

Following last weeks shite, the Viscounts made the trip over to York hoping to fair a little better. It started off well as the return of most of the backs and RokoChilton not playing, we had a much stronger squad than last week!!! Sorry Chilts, hope your 'sore head' gets better for next week.

With a few words said by a few players, DIR Mick Peel didnt have to say owt. Beefy kicked off and after dominating the first 10, Andy scored another quality try. He broke from 40ish meters and just pissed off to the line. So, we were on top and looking good. Until this. With no RokoChilton, the game was crying for a comedy moment and up stepped this little beauty. Obviously by playing at full-back he was still not in top physical shape after his 65 vodka tonics the night before, old snake hips himself El-Dux didnt fancy catching the high kick York put up. Instead he fancied his favoured George Best and tried to boot it on the half volley. But he missed it by a mile and they scored! 15 assembled Viscounts behind the posts all with the same thought of "you fucking numpty"! It became funny back at the club though! Skipp missed a penalty just on half-time

HALFTIME YORK 7-5 VISCOUNTS

DIR Peel told the boys to keep going but a sloppy start was punished by York with 2 penaltys. Then our scrumhalf, Mahony, had to go straight to hospital with a broken thumb. Pastry boy was fucked and went onto the wing. Dyson went to scrumhalf and Beefy went to flanker.
Big Richie made a break, Andy made another, and so did RAF Ben but we failed to score and York made us pay with a try that was slightly contraversial as nobody knew what the fuck was going on or why we had a penalty against us. Whats that saying? Never turn your back at a penalty. We did and got punished. But fair play to us, we got back up and after Charlie turned ball over, Pastry boy screamed over under the posts. Skipp knocked the goal over with the last play.

So another defeat, but at least this week we showed some cock and balls and put in a decent effort unlike last week. Roll on Old Mods next week

FULLTIME YORK 18-12 VISCOUNTS

NEW POLL!

Look, the blogger is aware that we are not out of October yet and the new signings may not of 'gelled in' yet but, after watching all last saturdays drubbing by local rivals Otliensians, feels that the point needs to be raised. Is there a chance of us winning a game? In fairness, the Viscounts have performed decently well before last week and maybe the blogger is over-reacting. But the word on the street is that our army of fans are not prepared to spend their hard earned cash on watching that shite and are fast losing patience! For the first time in his managerial career, Director of Rugby Mick Peel may be feeling the heat!

Here at Bloggingham Palace, we have a strict no-bias approach so in order to please the fans that have been camped at the gates demanding change, the blogger has set up a new poll that requires your votes!

JOCK LUCAN?

Whilst chatting with Ads, Skipp, ex-DOR Major and the queer, pastry hating little Nico before the World Cup final last saturday, we all came to the same conclusion. Jock hasn't done or said anything remotely stupid yet! The more we chatted about it, the more we agreed that Jock spouting a load of bollocks every saturday is par for the course, that it gives priceless ammo for the likes of Director of Sarcasm Nixo to verbally destroy favourite haggis eater in the clubhouse after! You see, so far this season it has been the one and only RokoChilton taking the majority of the flak. However, this has been totally justified and very well deserved!!


So what is the story with Jock? Where is the real Jock? Has he finally got to grips with the basics of the game? Is he thinking he has joined the Viscount top table and doesnt need to act the clown? People are saying that he has matured as a player and as an all round man. Is this the reason for his sudden lack of Jock-ness? The blogger has no answers for these questions, but just hopes that the real Jock returns from his bout of Lord Lucan because RokoChilton is nearing the edge of abuse that one man can take!!

vs ENSIANS 3RDS 20/10/07

Arse-raped

HALF-TIME VISCOUNTS 0-27 ENSIANS

More arse raping

FULL-TIME VISCOUNTS 7-52 ENSIANS


P.S. Ted scored our try

NO EXCUSES!

Some little birdy tells me there is a big game on this saturday? Didnt realise Keighley 3rds warrents all this press attention! We play at 3, Skip wants replies to his texts!

Anyway, all Viscounts are required in the clubhouse after the game for a massive piss-up. Everyone must turn up and watch Sheridan knock 10 bags of shit out of Du Randt, Jonny to kick the shit out of Butch James and Lewis Moody pull Montgomery's hair out. He is one puff if I ever saw one!

v BAILDON 2nds 13/10/07

With no game up at Baildon, the Viscount bandwagon gave up home advantage and traveled up to Jenny Lane to take on Baildon 2nds. With a full front row, and a welcome return of Wheelybin, a heavy pack, loads of backs and the RAF boys on their way down, it was feared for the first time in a long time that we might not have enough shirts!! Or we might have a chance of winning!!

Well, our fears were getting stronger at half time because the Viscounts put in, certainly since the blogger got into the Viscount scene, the best 40 minutes for a long time. The forwards were making yards round the fringes, Sam and Wheely making surges up the middle for fun and Charlie had his backs running, it was a joy to watch. Andy scored his second try of the year with a fine break from 35 meters, Big Sam charged through from 20 and Viscounts were 14-nil up after 20 minutes! It was like watching the Barbarians! Well, not quite.
When Baildon actually got the ball, they got knocked over by the tackles. Then the ref got involved. Now, the blogger doesn't agree with dissing the refs, tough job, not easy and all that shit, but fuck me. I wont name him but we all know him and to say we were all disappointed is an understatement. All he did was penalty after fucking penalty. They kicked 3 of them and didn't deserve a point, never mind 9.

HALFTIME BAILDON 9 - 14 VISCOUNTS

A couple of injuries, Charlie's thigh and Wheely's Achilles, forced Director of Rugby Mick Peel into some changes. RAF Ben into the pack and RAF Frosty on the wing. Both were still arsholed from the Regiment dinner they had the night before! Then Red Bull went down with a shoulder injury and Baildon caught us off guard with a quick try that was converted to give them an unlikely lead early 2nd half. Viscounts, with Andy hitting some big kicks, recovered and when he made a break and fed Shep who scorched up the field, drew the full back and sent Frosty to the line, thought they were back in charge. Wrong. The tosser blew his whistle for a forward pass!! Even the Baildon lads couldn't believe it. Guess what happens next? Yep. Baildon score. "Fucking hell"was the cry from the Kop end where the travelling army were enjoying their prawn sarnies. They scored again with a couple of minutes to go. But the Viscounts had one last attack in them, big Richie and Andy combined and passed to the supporting RokoChilton who, being true to his voters, spilt the pass and it was game over.

Really gutting result for the boys and you would of thought they had won the World Cup at the end judging the size of the cheer at the end.

FULL TIME BAILDON 26-14 VISCOUNTS

AN APOLOGY!

Whilst relaxing here at Bloggingham Palace on Monday evening, the blogger received a phone call from no other than ex-Director of rugby David Somers. After some general chit-chat and some light banter between the pair, David had not rung about trying to get his old job back, he was in fact letting the blogger know about the incorrect spelling of his surname! He checked the blog in fine detail and it is not Summers and is SOMERS. The blogger was disgusted with himself for letting down one of the pioneers of Viscount rugby and offers an immediate apology!!!

WEEGMANS IT IS THEN

Well, another poll done and another controversial result. The voters have spoke and have decided that you are skinny little shit. Little kids pick the meat out of their pies and leave their pastry, not so called men. FROM THIS POINT ON, IT IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR ANY PASTRY TO BE LEFT YOUR PLATE. FAILURE TO CO-OPERATE WITH THIS ORDER WILL END UP IN YOUR DISMISSAL FROM THE VISCOUNT RANKS. 5 pies a day from now on if you want to wear that famous number 7 shirt. For you to wear it now will not do any justice to former Viscount greats that shed blood and tears in the black shirt.

You skinny prick little Nico, next stop butchers please!!

vs WHARFEDALE 8/10/07

With the Viscounts managerless with Peely away playin cricket, and the obvious England game, many lads took advantage and stayed away. Tossers! Skipp's recruitment wagon picked up two lads from RAF Leeming called Frosty (winger) and Ben (No.8). Both had fine games.

With Skipp resting his ribs, Mad Mick lent us a player to even up the sides and a game that was a lot closer then final 27-0 scoreline suggests. Wharfe scored early 1st half, their quick winger burning past Chilts to score and the kicker did his bit too. This was the only score of the half as both teams attacked and defended superbly.

HALF-TIME WHARFEDALE 7-0 VISCOUNTS

It was more of the same for the first 20 minutes of the second half, but then we let in 4 tries as the Green machine forwards took charge. Nothing funny happened in the game to tell the blog fans so bit of a shit report!

FULLTIME WHARFEDALE 27-0 VISCOUNTS

IMPORTANT NEWS !

After his post-match wisdom at Wharfedale last Saturday, Chilts informs me that dumbbells are now in stock!

NEW POLL!

Get those votes in on your new poll!

AND THE WINNER IS ......

The blogger managed to infiltrate the high security bunker where the voting was being counted by an independant adjudicator. Security men lay on the floor in tatters as I made a James Bond style getaway(minus the fit bird).The worlds press at the door were left waiting days on end for the result everyone wants. But the blogger has come good with the result.

My insiders at the bunker tell me it was a one-horse race from the 1st vote cast. The winner withstood everything thrown at him by friend and foe alike. He was the one who came out smiling. He became a better man. People started to acknowledge him in the street. Schoolkids stopped pointing and laughing at him. Skipp still only gives him half a game? Wat a disgrace.

Enough of the bullshit, would the winner step forward.....

MR. JOE ROKOCHILTON!!

Congratulations Chilts, this makes it all worthwhile. This is YOUR moment.

LAST CHANCE SALOON!

Only 1 more day left on your inaugrel Viscount poll! Get those votes in sharpish!