v KNARESBOROUGH 20/12/08

With an old injury playing up, Skipp dropped out of the team for the final game of the year, Captain RokoChilton stepped up again to lead the troops. And his record remains unbeaten as leader thanks to tasting victory at CG. The big news before the game was the return of Beefy, and the boy wonder inspired the lads to a very well deserved clean sheet. Early 1st half tries from Bionic '69'Ads, Big Sam and Mahony (who took a pop on the nose and went to hospital) should of set the tone for a big score, but then a 10 minute period of silly rugby took the steam out of the game. The full house gave their heroes a rousing cheer as the HT whistle sounded.



HALFTIME VISCOUNTS 17-0 KNARESBOROUGH



Knowing 'Boro would be pumped at the start of the 2nd half, DoR Peely made a few changes which led to the visitors starting the better. Great defence, and some fantastic plays of running the ball from our own 22 mainly by Spock and the returning Gareth Guyers took the pressure off. A penalty to the 'Boro 22 resulted in a try for GG's mate, which Beefy taking the kicks missed the sitter of a conversion. Expecting to turn the style on for the crowd, the backs were screaming for the ball for the rest of the game as the forwards decided to play by themselves and kept fucking it up!! We did mange another try with the last play of the game which was converted (just) to wrap up a good win, but a few players walked off knowing we should of scored more points. Thanks must go to Gaz Guyers and his 3 mates who came down from having no game at Baildon, and there was also Viscount debuts from 2 others. Then it was out for a Christmas swill which ended up at Korks till the smalls.



FULLTIME VISCOUNTS 29-0 KNARESBOROUGH

v OLD OTLIENSIANS 13/12/08

Somehow we managed to get to the middle of December before we took the long trip to 'Ensians, this time last year we had played each other 37 times. Judging by the shite weather that teams woke upto hardly inspired them either. Skipp managed to steal Lofty again - I think Peely should get his cheque book out and sign him up - and it was game on. Bionic Ads lasted about 7 minutes before he limped off. He was blaming ankle trouble, but most of the 'Counts agreed that his middle stump was still hurting from his staff room loving. The weather was not allowing any sort of game to develop so it was the usual forward battle against a much stronger Ensians team now, who have managed to recruit 5 or so ex-1st teamers back into the rugby game. They took the lead before HT when their winger squeezed in.

HALFTIME ENSINS 5-0 VISCOUNTS

The injured trio of El Dux, Beefy and Shep ( who is now out for the season) watched Skipp push a penalty wide before Ensians scored a super try by the center who went 50 yards on his own, then they scored again. Both were converted and the game was up. The Viscounts kept going and pushed for the try they deserved, it didn't come though.

FULLTIME ENSIANS 19-0 VISCOUNTS

Another thing from Saturday was the appearance of blog legend Jock. Old Mods must of worked out that he is fucking useless and told him that he was 'unrequired for the time being'. So using his brain, he turned up to play for us against another of his former teams. The team that thrive on knocking his head off! The Ensians pack were very pleased to see him, especially in his red Old Mods socks. So has 6 months of pre-season training, and high intensity 1st team rugby done any improving to Jock's already impressive game? Has it fuck!!

BLOGGERS TOURS

With the festive season nearly upon us, this is the Bloggers busiest time of the year. Swanning from party to party, its all eyes up and ears to the ground as various suspects give vital ammunition for future entries on this beloved read. Blog legends like RokoChilton and Bionic Ads get themselves into real bother with their late night antics. Now unfortunately for the named two, they will have to shoulder the responsibility this year due to lack of other mugs- no more Jock instantly ups Roko's abuse, and Pastry Boy Little Nico is too busy wrestling crocs on the other side of the world (Thats Australia Knibbs) therefore putting Ads' brittle bones under more stress. Stress is something that can never be labelled at your favourite mystery penman.

In fact, the Blogger took full use of his 'Gardening Leave' this early season and went sight seeing. First stop was Australia as a check on our pastry avoiding nutty flanker was called for. With little runs and some dodgy wicket-keeping reports coming from his so called teammates in the land of convicts, the Blogger needed to check this out for himself. All reports were found to be true, and a quick exit from the Melbourne cricket scene in disappointment left the Blogger with no other options than a bit of sight-seeing. As you can see, our man hit Sydney and checked out the famous bridge. The Blogger didnt see what all the fuss was about, saying it holds nothing against our own masterpiece that crosses the Wharfe.

Then it was a short swim to New Zealand, home of the famous All Blacks. No, not the Viscounts but the counterparts who have cloned themselves on CG's finest athletes. Skipp McCaw, RokoChilton, Beefy Carter, Dux So'olioalio, the list can go on. Whilst there, the Blogger caught a glimpse of the fine side they are, but when disaster struck and they only had 14 men turn up, the Blogger stepped up to help out, clearly used to this scenario back down Pool Road. So he donned a jersey and played on the wing. Unsurprisingly the Blogger walked off with the MoM award after his 98 meter dropgoal gave the All Blacks a 3-0 win over Jersey and retained the Peter Saddington Trophy for the 65th year on the trot.

Next port of call was USA. After being ejected out of every casino and slept with every showgirl in Las Vegas, a quick stop to repair New Orleans was required before knocking up a couple of towerblocks in New York. This work was so well received that a full token of the Yanks love was heading the Blogger way. Fearing the worst, the Blogger was pleasantly surprised by the gift by the obese ones as he now take pride of place at Mount Rushmore!!

So now it was back home where the invites to the parties started rolling in. Offers for TV work, with the Blogger having to turn down big money to appear on Strictly Come Blogging and I'm a Blogger, Get Me Out Of Here... At a party in central London, the Blogger met his good chum from down south, The Stig from Top Gear fame. Keen to take up an offer to meet Lizzy for a bit of 3 way action, the lads hit the Palace and then hit the bottle, before roasting Her Maj for the best part of a week. Stig was done and went home, so the Blogger pocketed the Queens thong on the sly, knowing that it would be a perfect fit in Midge's bag!!

So that was the trip folks, more holiday snaps may find there way onto the Blog, but probably not as the festive scandal will move up a notch over the next few weeks. There will more than likely be a Christmas booze up soon so keep your ears pricked. Peace out...

v HARROGATE (PYTHONS?) 6/12/08

Well hello again, and firstly my apologies for no blog updates this season. This is due to an internal issue over image rights that has now been settled out of court, and the green light has been issued from my solicitor, blogclaims4u.com, to resume blogging. A full range of exclusive blog gifts, which would make perfect christmas presents for all you blog fans, will be available soon!!

Now that's the intro done, now the real deal of Viscount rugby. Since the absence of this fine column, games that spring to mind being played have been Keighley at CG, won. Harrogate away, won. Old Mods away, lost. And that's all i can remember, unlucky. Having spoke our supreme leader Skipp, the Blogger learnt that the Viscounts went to that soon-to-be housing estate Claro Road and turned over those Harrogate tarts 7-5. Quite impressive from the boys who are some what depleted this season so far due to unavailability, injury, or the poaching prowess of ex-DoR David Somers. Harrogate returned to the fortress Pool Road fields on saturday clearly seeking a revenge mission. This was confirmed by the 'Counts when the Pythons, who play league rugby in Yorks 5, starting warming up, with 6 subs, in spanking new kit. You get the picture. The 12 Viscounts feared the worst. A scrounge next door at Ensians got us Lofty and Brett Tenniswood to make 14, but the Python nobjockeys didnt want to lend us a player so it was 14 stick.

The 1st half was a typical rough and tough affair, with great defence from the 'Counts led by Big Richi who was having a top game. Also, in his 1st mention since his Bosman move over the summer, was Tebs having a great game- his throwing -in proves we now actually have a hooker. The picture is off the man himself during the warmup!! The Puffthons eventually scored just before HT to lead 7-0.

HALFTIME 'COUNTS 0-7 PUFFTHONS

Skipp missed a penalty chance during a 15 min of pressure that ultimately led to nothing before Big Richi went off with an ankle injury, with it seemed the hopes of getting anything from the game. A random Punk appeared in the pack, before Harrogate scored 4 more tries in the last 15 minutes of the game as the shattered 'Counts lost a bit of interest. A few choice words by Bionic Ads seemed to wind up the Puffthons to score a few more points but the defence held firm for the final whistle. Thats go to Lofty, Brett and the Punk for helping from Ensians. So it was a troop back to the changing rooms to get the hands on the Skipps birthday port. Rumour has it its the Otley derby next week

FULLTIME VISCOUNTS 0 -26 HARROGATE PYTHONS

TRANSFER SHOCKER!!!!!!

Arriving via recorded delivery at Bloggingham Palace during the week from Director of Rugby Micky Peel was some of the most disapointing news that has ever been heard. It wasn't news that Jonny Wilkinson is injured again and will join Danny Cipriani and our own Beefy at fly-half hospital. It wasnt the fury shown by Marc Lawerence on both Look North and the Yorkshire Post about the demise of the Bradford & Bingley. It wasnt the image of Referee Nixo in his spanking new stewards outfit that he will ref in this season. Its far worse.....





"After 5 seasons of fun rugby at Otley Viscounts, I feel like it is time for a change in my rugby career. With time not on my side, I feel I will have to be quick in my ambition to play 1st team rugby at a high level. I will always be grateful to Skipp and David Somers for their support in my early seasons. However, under the guidence of Micky Peel I felt my career was stalling and his vision off 'heads up rugby' didnt do myself any favours as I am an 'up the jumper' old schol type of player. Therefore eye to eye contact was never easy with Peel so he can fuck himself because what does he know about being a hooker? I have forgot more than he knows. Old Mods is the future" - JOCK

See what I mean? And has fate would have it, 2nd game of the season is Old Mods. That will be interesting...................

HELLO AGAIN!!!!!

Resulting to public pressure, the blogger has picked up the laptop and has decided to give it another go!! So folks, 2008/09 season blog is all go!!


Lets start with the summer then since it has been a long time since I could be arsed doing this thing!! 1st port of call was answering a challenge laid down to Skipp at the end of the season by the Otley Zebras coaching team. Now they were swanning around spouting big licks about how they would beat the mighty 'Counts. So the date was set for a match between the two at the end of season Zebras' Family Day on the 1st team pitch.









Now the eagle-eyed blog fans will spot 3 or 4 familiar faces on the mug shot above on the Zebras team? Yes that right, to name a couple of them are Viscount Hall of Fame member 25 Peter Saddington and member 34 Richard Hall!! Even with a team equipped with 2 of the finest players ever to grace a Viscount shirt, they were unable to withstand a Viscount onslaught that delighted the sell-out crowd. CG was rocking like never before!!






Next on the agenda is this new found craze of training!! Yes i know its slightly against the rules of the 'Counts, but the reasoning behind this ground-breaking venture by the Skipp is to try hit the ground running and build on the great season we had last year. The question you all want answering is "What has been the response from the players?" Well, attendances have yet to beat 10!!!

SEASON REVIEW

Bonjour blog fans!!

Being the inaugural blog review, the blogger has decided to name, shame, praise and abuse all who deserve such accolades. In no particular order, here goes.

SKIPP- Another season with both armband and kicking duties successfully navigated by our supreme leader. His obvious highlight is the fact that even by playing at No.8 and being skipper, he still failed to score a try. Pathetic!!

SAM- Due to his preference to making babies, the big guy could only play about half the season. The blogger's highlight is when he flattened the Ensians winger while scoring a try. His highlight will be his new arrival.

SHEP- The team farmer is another who also failed to score a try. The blogger is sure he is keeping the Skipper company so he gets to play fullback when Bionic man Ads gets fit!

ANDY PANDY ELLIS- The 1st of our new signings had a great year, scoring 16 tries. His main target this summer is to put a few stone on so he is too fat to play for Somers and remains a Viscount

LITTLE NICO- The token gay boy needs to get some fat on his skeleton before someone snaps him. And he chucked his teddy out for not getting Player of the Year. Haha. Even though he deserved it. Just think if you had eaten your pastry it would have been yours! Head up, there is always next year

KNIBBS- To the utter astonishment to all here at Bloggingham Palace, Knibbs only died 4 times on the field this year. Great work.

COSTAS- Arriving at the Viscounts from the back of a lorry via Calais is our Greek superstar. Bringing a Mediterranean twist to our rugby, our favourite olive muncher had a great 1st year in the game

DUX- Vodka swigging, Silk Cut chuffing, snake hips sex machine was shagging all over the place and his highlight is his half face half beard look on tour due to his 3rd degree burns!

MAHONY- Broken thumb at York slowed his progress but returned with a vengance at tour time. The tour virgin had the time of his life until we got to Ilkley, at which point his weekend fell apart

BEEFY- Player of the Year my arse. Facing a summer on the sidelines with torn knee ligaments, the crowd favourite will be looking to bounce back and stop Andy Pandy scoring all the tries

JOCK- The haggis munching tart didnt really perform with his breathtaking comedy this year. Maybe a visit to customs should do the trick

RICHI- The gentle giant with the massive legs needs to fuck the marathons off and not miss any games because we are a miles better team with him in it. Watching him smashing through Roundhegians defence time and again was very pleasing, the amount of times they have done that to us

WOODY- The interception king of the North. If he just lost that treacle from his boots would have scored every week!! All though he did score try of the season against York

JIMMY LUPTON- The bloggers favourite, never gets bored of smashing people into the ground and leaving them in agony while he runs to do it again. Brilliant.

SPOCK- Now finally a fulltime Viscount, the Spock was an important player in the backs this year. Once we actually got the ball to him he almost always scored.

RYAN- Another newcomer, who eventually told us he was a backrower not the scrumhalf like he had been playing! Sweepstake winner on the Grand National, and did the right thing by getting the jugs in. Recovering from surgery as we speak.

TED- With his own fan base, Ted has left the question all Viscounts are wanting to know a summer in limbo, is he or isn't he?

BOOTHY- Our other kilt wearer had another fine season on the pop, with the Landlady of the Dog and Gun making the Sunday Times Rich List

DAVESAWINGER- Skipps driver crashed over for a couple of good tries this year. Put a challenge to Boothy's boozing crown with a couple of accomplished performances in the clubhouse

DARBS- Returning to the game after a break, Darbs brought all his 1st team skills to the Viscounts, but unfortunately left his hamstrings behind

ADS- The 'Hero from Huby' got his boots on while in Clitheroe because he is s really brave boy with a really poorly toe

JORDI- Gobshite took his warning from the blogger on the chin and played a game to qualify for tour. He spouted enough shite in those two games to last the season

NIXO- As ever, our favourite whistle blower demolished all the Viscounts who made errors after every game. Chilts' confidence is now at an all time low. Great work

SOMERS- Traitor

MIDGE- Retired from playing, but certainly not retired from stitching Rhino up. In top form on tour. He is the man for all your spare thongs!

RHINO- Made a comeback after his terrible shoulder problems. His next aim is to come back from his terrible black stud problems!

GAVIN- Now a 1st team season ticket holder. Why watch them? What are they gonna win?

ROKOCHILTON- How could the blogger forget our pin-up? His poster covers girls bedroom walls up and down the land. Fresh in the bloggers mind is his fuck up against Aireboro that he thought he had got away with. Fell over the line from Beefys passes 6 times. His speed and footwork have got him signed up on the next series of 'Strictly Come Dancing'.

MICK PEEL- Quite simply, the messiah


Anyone else who played like the RAF boys, Gas, Mossy and the various Colts gets a big round of applause for your efforts, on behalf of Skipp it is appreciated greatly. Anyone else is not worthy of a mention!!!

Keep checking this site for updates, I heard Peely is at an advanced stage over negotiations with a couple of Springboks and All Blacks. I said fuck them they are not good enough for us! See you all back fit in September ready to go again

v ENSIANS 3rds 19/4/08

After drawing the 1st game of the series, the Viscounts needed a win to take a share of the inaugural Otley Trophy. And they came up trumps to level it at 2-2. But we are claiming it because we dont train!!

The game started with Ensians having all the ball and the territory but struggling to get the breakthrough to some, at times, frantic last gasp defending. The commitment from the V's was fantastic and led us to our 1st try, that man Andy Pandy shot onto a short pass and raced to the line. Skipp did his bit for a 7 pointer. Ensians, clearly not happy, upped their game and scored 2 tries before HT to lead 12-7. Beefy picked up an injury that has now fucked his cricket season and was replaced via stretcher like a faggot. A colt lad came on for him who's name slips the blogger. Ed rings a bell? Anyway the HT whistle came with no further score.

HALFTIME ENSIANS 12-7 VISCOUNTS

Playing with the wind helping us in the 2nd half, Sam, Boothy and Skipp became more prominent with our pack having the slight edge over the home team. Skipp decided to keep it tight and the Viscounts started the half better. But like the 1st half, this time Ensians scored against the run of play in the corner to stretch the lead to 10. Skipp gathered his troops behind the posts and gave the teamtalk of his career. With everyone pumped to the max, Ensians felt the pressure. Firstly, Boothy got a deserved try (never thought i would say that!) and after some great attacking play, Spock ploughed over the line to level the game. Skipp gently stroked the ball through for the seasons final points. Then the party began......

FULLTIME ENSIANS 17-19 VISCOUNTS

OLD MODS 12/04/08

Again the Viscounts managed to grace the mecca of CG and took on a Old Mods team that turned out to be a bit too good for us to cope with. With half of the team feeling a bit shite from serious bouts of man flu, it was a tough ask. But the 'Counts stuck to their guns and after a soft score for the visitors, Nico sloped over in the corner to level it up. Old Mods scored again before the interval.

HALFTIME VISCOUNTS 5-14 OLD MODS

The Viscounts haven't lost at home since the start of October and their proud home record was now under the cosh. Try as they might, but with Andy pandy, Beefy and Nico all screwed on the bench they couldn't quite break down quite a strong Mods defence and fell behind to only 2 more tries. The comedown from tour was there for everyone to see, and the dressing room was very quite after as the 'Counts felt they had let themselves down. Maybe a couple had their eyes on the big one this weekend?

FULLTIME VISCOUNTS 5-28 OLD MODS

CLITHEROE 5/04/08

Tour game. With the game taking place on tour, it is only correct that here at Bloggingham Palace we respect the old adage of "what happens on tour, stays on your". But due to public demand, the blogger has been able to secure exclusive rights of what happened at 'game time'

Looking a million dollars in their spanking kit, the alcohol filled Viscounts took on Clitheroe 1st team and started brightly. Beefy made a break and should of scored and then sent RokoChilton in at the corner from his famous penalty move. This was as good as it got in the 1st half as Clith raced into a 17-5 interval lead.

HALFTIME CLITHEROE 17-5 VISCOUNTS

The second forty started well for the Viscounts with Andy pandy pudding and pie scoring early on to the delight of the travelling support. However, Skipp missed the sitter from in front of the posts and DoR Peely removed him from his duties. Competeing well, Jordi scored out wide and this was converted by Beefy, fully justifying the bold decision from Peel for him to kick. Clitheroe came back and scored again but the never say die attitude buy the alcoholics got them a try by Jordi under the posts for a level game. Unfortunately the Counts couldn't hold on and conceded 2 more tries to lose a super game

FULLTIME CLITHEROE 36-24 VISCOUNTS

TOUR PHOTOS

Some photo's from tour lads

http://www.flickr.com/photos/viscounts/

TOUR NEWS!

Right then girls, this is the plan of attack this weekend

TOUR DRESS FRIDAY - Cream Chinos, black ORUFC polo top
TOUR DRESS SATURDAY - Hawaiian Shirt

Wear what u want any other time but the rules state friday and saturday night require 100% commitment to the theme. Chino's are shite I know but its only for a night out. Plus it doesn't matter what you wear because none of you will get any fanny anyway! Unless Knibbs cracks onto a fat lass or Pastry boy pays for it.

The bus is leaving at 6 o'clock sharp from the club, and Dave is opening the bar for us at 4 in the afternoon. For the thirsty ones in the squad, a few are meeting at the Rose and Crown at 3. Rock on!!!!!

v WETHERBY 2nds 29/03/08

In piss poor conditions, the mighty Viscounts recorded another comprehensive victory, this time the trip to Wetherby was worth it. Such is the confidence in the team, Skipp was told to play into the gale strong wind and horizontal rain and we would stuff them in the 2nd half. However, Skipp fucked up and lost the toss but we still played into the conditions. Wetherby kicked into our 22 and the 'Counts expected a defensive workout until Andy Pandy in the center picked up a loose ball and ran 75 to the posts. Skipp improved. With the team loving the lead, the 'Counts edged forward to the Weth 22 and Pandyboy chipped over the top, regathered and scored. Supreme tackling led by the super backrow of Jimmy Lupton, gay Nico and big Richi kept our clean sheet at HT

HALFTIME WETHERBY 0-12 VISCOUNTS

On receiving the kickoff, Skipp planted the ball downfield and thats where we stayed. The pressure was non-stop and Weth were hanging on desperately. Not for much longer as from a scrum, Beefy nipped over on the blindside. Then, 100% truth, this happens. The kick-off is caught by Pastry boy gay Nico catches it, steps the 1st man, runs down the wing and chips the full back, hacks it t the line and dives over for the 5 pointer!! 14 other Viscounts were stood on the halfway line in support! This was the killer score for Wetherby and they hung into the end, but to finish the game off, the little tosser Nico got on the end of another kick to the massive ingoal for his Barney Rubble.

FULLTIME WETHERBY 0-27 VISCOUNTS

Credit to Knibbs who had a crack at prop to make the scrums contested. Good effort mate

Team: Shep; RokoChilton, Spock, Andy, Davesawinger; Beefy, Mahony; Boothy, Jock, Knibbs; Woody, Skipp; Jimmy, Pastry boy, Richi

TOUR UPDATE!

After confirmation from the committee, the theme for the 27th Viscount Tour to the delightful town that is Clitheroe is..........Hawaiian Shirts!!!!!
Haha.
Skipp has picked up a cracker when he was sunning his bollocks in the Caribbean earlier in the season and wants to show it off to his fine squad of highly tuned atheletes. So Hawaii shirts at the ready lads.
I cant wait to see Knibbs's already!!!!
Keep checking the blog for further updates

v WHARFEDALE 5ths 22/03/08

Congratulations Viscounts. Just when the season could be no better, we go up to Threshfield to take on Mad Micks lot who are hell bent on a revenge victory and come away with another excellent hard fought win. On a shitty snowy afternoon, it isn't the most forgiving of places to go play at. But the 'Counts again showed their bollocks and ground out a superb win. The game started with Viscounts using the wind, Beefy's boot keeping 'Dale pinned in their half for the majority. The pressure was non-stop but a couple of dropped balls and miss placed pass', combined with some great 'Dale defence kept their line intact. Not for long though as Andy hit a flat ball and forced his way under the sticks. Skipp kicked the all important 2 points. Dale hit back almost from the kickoff and some sloppy defence let them in by the posts, the kick however was wide. The Viscounts camped up in the 'Dale 22 and got the reward with RokoChiltoni squeezing in the corner from a blindside move. The missed kick signalled the end of the first half.

HALFTIME WHARFEDALE 5-12 VISCOUNTS

Fully expecting a 'Dale backlash and with the snow now falling again, the 'Counts were on the cosh. Matching the 1st half, 'Dale set up in the Otley half and it was some terrific defence, particular by Pastry boy Nico, Skipp and Boothy that was keeping 'Dale out. The wind was ruling any kicking out, so it was left to Ted, Sam and Duxy to trundle forward anytime we got any ball with scrum-half Mahony controlling the fringes. The 'Counts started to come more into the game and had a good spell of pressure that couldn't quite bring the clinching score. With only a few minutes left, the Viscounts were under some real pressure on their own line. This pressure led to a kick from Beefy being charged down and the 'Dale winger won the race to the corner to score the try. The Viscounts breathed a huge sigh of relief as the kick was near impossible in the conditions and held on to record a fantastic win, the 2nd of Wharfedale this season.

FULLTIME WHARFEDALE 10-12 VISCOUNTS

TEAM Shep; Spock, Darbs (Woody), Andy, Chilts; Beefy, Mahony; Sam, Jock, Boothy; Knibbs, Craig(Ted); Dux, Pastry, Skipp.

Davesawinger did a grand job filling in for the 'Dale as they only had 14

FINE JOB MICKY PEEL!

After saturdays game, the team here at Bloggingham Palace were all crowding around various radios. Both Radio5 live and talkSPORT had sport phone-ins and the main topic around the country wasnt the Taff's Grand Slam. Nor was it pisshead Cipriani. Nor was it Denmans superb Gold Cup win. It was all about Micky Peel. Remember how the blogger couldn't leave the Palace due to the protestors at the gate demanding he get the sack, how they wanted former DoR Major? Well he truely fucked them now with a run of games that has seen the Viscounts lose only 3 (2 if u dont count when we got stitched up by Clekheaton 2nds) of their games since the start of December. This includes wins over Roundhegians and Wharfedale which most Viscounts hardcore know is not an easy thing to do. Rumour has it that when Brian Ahston gets the boot, Peely is on the shortlist for that job. He is even being talked up as havin a role to play in the 2009 British Lions tour to South Africa

The blooger wants to quash all speculation about the future of Mick Peel and managed to obtain this quote straight from the man himself:

"I am only 8 months into my 3 year deal here at Otley Viscounts. I have only finished lying the foundations of what I am trying to achieve here. My players have responded to all my changes and I couldnt be more pround of the way they have tried to embrace my rugby vision. Therefore I am fully commited to this team and you can stick your England job up your arse."

v AIREBOROUGH 3rds 15/03/08

CG regulars were at last treated to some proper rugby. Thats right folks, the Viscounts finally made it on to the big pitch against locals Aireborough. Playing in a spanking new kit, the Viscounts hit the straps from the off and dominated the early game and were rewarded with the first try scored by Knibbs, who peeled off from a ruck and romped over in the corner. Aire came back and scored a try, details of this try will be published elsewhere! Skipp then made a break and chose to ignore the barrel of vodka tonic that is El Dux on his left and passed right, and the chance was lost! With the wind makin kicking pointless, the V's were playing Director of Rugby Mick Peel's favoured 'heads up rugby' and were throwing the ball about in true Viscounts style and scored another try when this wanker who was playin in the center scored!

HALFTIME VISCOUNTS 10-5 AIREBOROUGH

The 2nd forty started with Boothy ploughing over, this was backed up with tries by Davesawinger, the mighty RokoChilton, another for the wanker who also played blatent Jug avoidence and got stung for it in the clubhouse after. With Spock scoring at the end to bring the curtain down on a feast of sideways running rugby the capacity crowd of 25, which is a new Viscount record, went home extremely happy.

FULLTIME VISCOUNTS 40-5 AIREBOROUGH

v SKIPTON 3rds 8/3/08

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasy now!!!

The Viscounts returned to their victorious ways with a hard working graft job up at Skipton. Played in shocking conditions, the 'Counts toughed it out against a big Skipton pack with the backs deciding to leave their hands in Otley. With the Saracens called off, we nicked Mossy and his mate James and headed up confident after our big win against Skip earlier in the year. In fact it was our 1st win!!

With a gale blowing across the pitch, bringing sheet rain with it, Viscounts decided to run everything and after a 70 meter break from James in the center, a couple of phases later he had scored under the sticks for Skipp to kick an easy goal. Skipton returned and scored when their scrumhalf ran through unopposed from a line out for a converted try.

HALFTIME SKIPTON 7-7 VISCOUNTS

The 2nd half started with Skipton on the attack for a good 15 minutes which only excellent defence, particular one tackle by farmboy Shep, kept the scores level. Viscounts were relived by a great clearance from Beefy and from that point stayed in the Skipton half. A couple of drives nearly got the try that would win it as time was running out before James went on a solo run and off loaded to Beefy who weaved through next to the posts for a 7 pointer. The kick off was caught and Beef launched it into touch for the final whistle.

FULLTIME SKIPTON 7-14 VISCOUNTS

Saturday saw the return of a Viscount Legend. Hally slipped in at 9 as if he had never been away, just a shame he brought that shite weather with him!

TOUR DATES ANNOUNCED!

CLITHEROE 2008

The blogger has recieved the latest press release from Skipp regarding the 27th Viscount Tour. Destination, Hotel and Transport has been booked and confirmed, with the dates being

DEPART FRIDAY 4th APRIL
RETURN SUNDAY 6th APRIL

Have a cheeky preview of our digs on the link below. Thats if we manage to behave enough to stay both nights! Adam and Beefy have already sorted out alternative accomodation for saturday night, and no its not in the local filth station!!

http://www.stirkhouse.co.uk


POLITE REMINDER:

If you haven't played this season (Gobshite), you need to get game time to be eligable to tour!!

v ROUNDHEGIANS 3rds 1/3/08

Easy folks. 2 defeats on the bounce now, this time getting done by Roundhegians who were gunning for revenge for our defeat earlier in the year by any means. 'Hegians 2nds were called off and with most of those wanting a runaround, rolling subs was the order of the day.

A clearly pumped up 'Hegians attacked with both ball and fists from the off, but the Viscounts stood firm and didn't back down. It was the home side who scored 1st with a good passing try after a break through the middle, responded with by a try for ?. Hegians scored twice again before halftime

HALFTIME ROUNHEGIANS 17- 5 VISCOUNTS

With their subs now on, Viscounts feared the worst but the Greek God Of Rugby, Costas, ripped the ball off their line out maul, and shot off to the line to get us right back in it. He was quite pleased with this piece of action, celebrating with his new catchphrases of "i like" and "dirty jew". Probably not the best thing to say in North Leeds but fuck it. Anyway more Viscount pressure came but we couldn't quite get over the line and lost it towards the end with another softish try.

A much improved performance from last week, apart from Beefy who was shite again. ( New boots= waste of money). And a great spread was put on so full marks for that. Homemade burgers, Shepherds Pie and 2 variety of curry set the lads up nicely for Saturday nights frolic's.

FULLTIME ROUNDHEGIANS 24-12 VISCOUNTS

v OLD RISHWORTHIANS 2nds 23/2/08

Defeated at last. The wheels came off on a 5 aside rugby pitch somewhere in deepest Halifax. The Viscounts made the trek down the M62 to take on Rish, having played there and won a couple of seasons ago, and remembering the chilli and curry combo in the clubhouse after, expecting another victory. However, with it being an 'away game with a bit of travelling', only 12 hardcore Viscounts could be arsed sorting their lives out and turned up. Injuries and holidays excepted. The rest of you are tossers!

The 12 borrowed 2 lads from their academy team which we seemed to be playing and it was game on. Rish attacked with the strong wind behind them, but terrific defence kept them out, only for a lucky bounce from an average kick let them score the try their territory deserved. Skipp knocked a pen over for us on our rare trips to the Rish 22.

HALFTIME RISHWORTHIANS 5-3 VISCOUNTS

Confidence was up at the start of the 2nd half for a victory, the tactics of Beefy booting it into their half with the wind and staying there the order. However, due to lack of wind and shit kicking this never happened. Rish scored a breakaway try and this seemed to drop the heads of the 'Counts and another try was conceded shortly after. Our Oscar winner Costas got stuck in a bit of a rumble that fired everyone into life again, only for Rish to score again with the last play.

A disappointing day for the Viscounts, lack of numbers cost us the chance of another win, those who did turn up left CG slightly deflated before we got there. Shit happens

FULLTIME RISHWORTHIANS 24-3 VISCOUNTS

TRY SCORERS

Quickly totting up, by the blog records our 37 tries this season have been scored by:-

Andy Ellis (9 try), Will Darby(4), Woody(3), RokoChilton(3), Boothy(2), Sam(2), Little Nico(2), Spock(2).

The following all have 1 try each: Beefy, RAF Frosty, RAF Ben, RAF Barry, Sam Gardener, Big Richi, Mahony, Joe/Sam

We also recieved a Penalty try (Cheers Peely), and there is an unclaimed try from when we played awawy at Cleckheaton. Anybody?

Lets try to get 50 before the end of season boys

v YORK 3rds 16/2/02

Another week and another victory for Chappell's army, this week it was York who left the Mecca of rugby that is 'down the road' with nowt to show for a wasted Saturday afternoon. I cant wait till someone stuffs us 'cos I am bored of writing these reports now!

It started in classic Viscount style- York forgot their shirts!! So they took our blue kit and it was game on. York started best, their strong team attacking and with the 'Counts still on Planet Rugby from last week were soon on their arses with tackling practise. A little of bit cheating let York go 3 nil up, which was soon improved to 8-0, and we had a game on. We camped in their 22 and got a push over try which was disallowed. After questioning, the ref said he couldn't see the ball- which is no surprise because it was under that barrel of vodka tonic that Dux carries round!! Undeterred, we got a try through another great Spock solo and Skipp kicked a pen for a 8-8 turnaround

HALFTIME VISCOUNTS 8-8 YORK

With Beefy's hands still not working, any position we got in the ball went down for a scrum so the 2nd half started a bit shitty. But from one scrum led to a couple of rolling mauls and a try on debut for our new young prop lad, his name was either Sam or Joe. I cant remember, sorry. Anyway Skipp missed the kick and another penalty before Paul Wood was on the end of a high kick to the corner to touch down, Skipp improving from the touchline and the Viscounts looked to have done enough. But no, Beefy threw a pass straight to their quick lad who was away under the sticks. Staying calm, he slotted a dropgoal within 2 minutes, which was handy because he fucked up once more, missing a penalty kick for touch which their lad ran straight back to score. Still not enough to lose the game and the run continues.

FULLTIME VISCOUNTS 23-20 YORK

v RIPON 3rds 9/2/08

Now I am starting to get worried by the Viscounts at the moment, and also struggling to write reports that contain amusing stories of fuck-up after fuck-up, but they arnt happening at the moment!! We catch every ball (even Chilts), tackle everything that moves (even Chilts), cover each others backs (even Chilts), and make breaks ( well, apart from Chilts). So its going quite well now, and is really good fun to play in.

We tackled Ripon last saturday looking to revenge the narrow defeat when we went up there earlier this season. I didnt think we could play much better than the defeat of Wharfedale but this was pretty damn good. After being 3-0 down thanks to Beefy's indisipline, the 'Counts went up field and stayed there until the last minute of the half when Ripon kicked their 2nd penalty. In the time in the Ripon half, tries from our try machine Andy Ellis, wanker Chilts, Spocky, Nico and a hat trick from Will Darby put them to the sword. Skipp kicked 6 of his 7 shots to amass a huge win for the lads. The pick off the tries was either Spock's, which made him look like he was 18 again as he sped around about 8 tacklers and went in under the posts, or Nico's which was a length of the field job that went down the line and back up it and he went from 50 meters to the corner.

Superb games from everyone in the team, in my opinion the pick being Nico, Richi, Andy Ellis and Darbs didnt let the squaddy filled Ripon lads have a sniff in this game. The teams were a bit more evenly matched than the scoreline suggests, it was the sheer performance from the Viscounts and the rich vein of form that we are in that got us this result.

Quality work lads, roll on York

TRAINING

Now that our nutty flanker has completed his trial on pastry and admitted defeat in his battle to pile on the pounds, it came as a pleasent suprise to hear that he is trying other options to gain both weight and strength in his quest to mix it with the big boys. His performances over the last 3 games have been of high quality and his ability to punch above his weight have made little Nico probably the form player in the Viscounts at the current time. Now, the blogger heard he was training hard at the gym 5 nights a week and as this is unacceptable behavior from ANY Viscount, the blogger went in search of evidence.

To his utter horror, the rumours were found to be true. So sneaky photographs were needed for a blog 'name and shame' campaign.

Here is the twat Nico in gym shocker!!!!

Then to top it off, he was only doing an unofficial Viscounts Photograph Session where he has taking money of people who had grafted all week just for a picture of them with their heroes. To my utter disbelief, ANOTHER VISCOUNT HAD HIS PICTURE TAKEN WITH NICO!! I could not belief my eyes. I know that he is a sporting icon back in Athens, and Greek rugby player of the year, but Costas and Nico this is unacceptable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CLECKHEATON PHOTOS

Thanks to Big Richi's better half, a few shots from our game at Cleck the other week. Anybody with any others send them to viscounts@hotmail.co.uk

v WHARFEDALE 26/01/08

Mad Mick's lot came down to CG lookin to dick us once again but yet again, Skipp and his troops 'fronted up' and got a well deserved, and a long time coming victory. Having been nilled up at Thresh earlier in the season, and not having beat them in about 4 seasons, this was a great result for the Viscounts.

Again in what seem sto be a frequent occurance, The Viscounts started strongly and took a deserved lead when try machine Andy Ellis went off on a mazy run, kicked it round the full back and regathered to score, Skipp with the kick. Excellent defence from the Viscounts held the Green machine at bay till ahlf time.

HALFTIME VISCOUNTS 5-0 WHARFEDALE

The 2nd half started with the Viscounts playing territory with a good wind behind them, Charlie kicking the corners and letting the pack do the work in the Wharfe half. This tatic was working well but whenever Wharfe broke out, super cover tackling by especially little pastry puff Nico, Skipp and Boothy kept them at bay. The pressure was tackling it toll on 'Dale, and from a line out and drive, Boothy came up with the ball and a 5 pointer. Skipp's kick drifted wide.
Wharfe came back with a big effort to get back into the game, but the pack wouldnt let them have a sniff. It all lead to a 5 meter penalty for Viscounts and with everybody expecting Sam on a crash ball, Beefy threw it long to RokoChilton who amazingly caught it and scored for a convincing win.

Certainly the best win we have had for a good few seasons. To beat Mad Micks lot is probably our hardest task in the season and it certainly made up for all the dicking we have taken over the last few years!! To celebrate this acheivement, pastry boy Nico stayed out all saturday night, got out of Leeds at 10 in the morning. He then bought 8 cans and watched some random sunday morning footy before going out round Otley till last orders on sunday night! For a skinny twat the blogger salutes a fine session of pre-tour training!!


One final piece, when the game was replayed on the big screen, here is Director of Sarcasm Nixo showing his pleasure at RokoChiltons match winning try!! Enjoy!!

v ROUNDHEGIANS 3rds 19/01/08

Bloggers and bloggettes, how are we? Long time no read.

After getting arse kicked at Cleck the previous week, Chappells army had their first home game of the year against 'Hegians. Normally we lose by about 60 points to this lot so nobody was hoping for a good result. But nowadays we seem to do ok when we are not expected to and came up trumps with another victory.

It was all made by the most un-Viscountesq start i.e- we dominated!! After a series of pick and drives from the pack, Charlie put big Richie through on a crash ball and he ploughed over, Skipp doing his bit. From the kick-off, a big Andy kick put Viscounts in the 'Hegians 22 and from a scrum, Skipp went blind to Charlie who passed inside to Mahony to score again. Within 5 minutes, a break fom Richie again and this time Andy went under the sticks for a 7 pointer. 19- 0 after 20 minutes. 'Hegians started to find their feet attacking more often and got their 1st try wide out just before halftime

HALFTIME VISCOUNTS 19-5 ROUNDHEGIANS

'Hegians scored early and were on top for 20 minutes, Viscounts were hanging on. Only fine cover tackling by particuler Mahony and Skipp prevented further scores. However, with some great kicking by Charlie and Andy, Viscounts came more controlled and were awarded 2 penalties which Skipp obliged with. There was just enough time for Charlie to flunk the easiest dropgoal ever. 15 yard out, bang in front..........daisy cutter.

FULLTIME VISCOUTS 24-12 ROUNDHEGIANS


Got videos and photos to put on, just waiting for a USB cord to come though.

Peace out

v CLECKHEATON 3rds 12/01/08

Cant remember much about this game because it was ages ago. Remember it being 7-5 at half time to Cleck, dont remember who scored- it was 1 of the pack if that helps. Then they brought on half of their 2nd team and dicked us in the 2nd half. Tossers!

HALFTIME CLECKHEATON 7-5 VISCOUNTS
FULLTIME CLEAKHEATON 41-5 VISCOUNTS